Hi! I’m Steven. I’m a professional therapist, coach, trainer & author with over 20 years experience. I teach the latest psychological tools and techniques to help you transform and make a difference.
“Why so serious?”
That’s the question people used to ask me a lot when I started in business – a long time ago now!
It also hinted at why I was so tired frequently and why I was often also close to burn-out.
For me ‘Success’ was something that required you to push…
…and push a bit further…
…and to basically keep pushing until you practically feel over with total exhaustion!
Success was a serious matter.
And that’s probably why I struggled a lot in the beginning: I was taking the whole process – and myself – far too seriously.
Not to say you shouldn’t take your goals seriously of course. You should.
But you don’t want to take them so seriously that they practically kill you!
The key is ‘balance’ and the ability to blend different types of energies – in particular 3 main types.
By doing so you tap into more of your inner resourcefulness, feel more energised, overcome adversity easier, and you also start to actually enjoy the process of working towards & achieving your goals rather than it feeling like a chore.
So, what are these 3 energies?
Well, here’s a quick overview (in no particular order).
If you find a way to blend these 3 energy styles together you significantly increase your chances of creating sustained success.
Energy 1: your 'Ferociousness' (your inner warrior)
This is your ‘Alpha energy’. It’s where you tap into your strength, power & resolve in order to blast through barriers and get shit done.
If we go down a metaphorical route you could call this your ‘Inner Warrior’: the noble yet ferocious beast inside you that gives you the strength to climb mountains, break through obstacles with power & confidence, and tap into your burning desire to serve and make a difference.
A useful process is to grade yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of how much you currently tap into your inner ferocity — with 1 being not at all and 10 being absolutely,100%.
Then, if you’d like to tap into it more, spend some time thinking back to times in your past where you felt strong & powerful.
Perhaps you’ll visit times where you succeeded against all the odds, or had to tap into an inner strength and resolve that you didn’t think you had.
When accessing your inner warrior, the key thing is to search for memories that you associate with power & strength.
Make a list if you like, and spend some time revising the memories.
You can also add in mentors, or people you know of, who symbolise that type of energy, and then imagine seeing the world through their eyes.
Hey, you can even add in Dwayne Johnson ‘The Rock’ if you like!
This list can then become a trigger to help you access more of your inner warrior: your innate ability to be fierce.
So how much of your inner warrior are you currently tapping into?
How about tapping into more of it?
There’s definitely more in there if you look. I guarantee it.
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Energy 2: your 'Playfulness (your Lover)
On the opposite end of the scale to ferocity is tenderness.
This is your ability to tap into a softer and more compassionate energy.
Again, if we use a metaphorical explanation, you could label this as ‘The Lover’.
When we tap into our Inner Lover we take all the hard edges out of our experience and just accept our reality without the need to dominate, compete, or win.
We become tender, compassionate and empathic with others, and tap into our inner gratitude, bliss and unconditional love. It opens us up to sharing, collaborating, and contributing.
When we’re pursuing our goals, our tenderness is important for creating balance. If all we do is access our ferocity all the time we might end up over powering people, become a bully, or experience personal burn-out because we’re constantly accessing large amounts of adrenalin.
So it’s useful to ask yourself:
“How can I pursue my goals with ferocity, power & strength while at the same time being tender, compassionate and loving?”
It can also be useful – as you did with your ferocity – to grade yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 for tenderness, and then create a list of past memories & mentors that symbolise this type of energy.
Energy 2: your 'Playfulness (your Lover)
Everybody loves Joey from friends, right?
Why is that?
Well, it’s because he’s the archetypal ‘Joker’ and, with the exception of Batman, everyone loves being around a joker.
Tapping into a playful energy is crucial when it comes to sustained success.
If you don’t then you become just too darn serious.
Stress levels rise, life becomes a grind, and achieving your goals starts to feel like you’re walking through treacle.
So by sprinkling in a heathy dose of playfulness & humour, life becomes easier, more enjoyable & you instantly become more creative & resourceful.
Playfulness is also linked to youth & learning. A child’s default state is to play and by doing so they connect fully with experience and learn at an accelerated rate in comparison to adults.
*Neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp believes that human beings have a ‘Play system’ hardwired in. This system makes it possible for us to dream, be creative, and create new connections that form the basis of learning.
As a quick word of warning, when you’re accessing your inner Joker you obviously don’t want to go too far with it.
If all you do is jest then people won’t be able to take your message seriously.
In the same way as the opinion of a jester in a court is de-valued, if you fool around too much, the impact of your own opinions could be significantly lessened. So don’t over do it.
But, when you sprinkle in a healthy dose of Playfulness along with Ferocity & Tenderness you get a well-rounded package stacked full of resources. The like of which that are essential to sustained success.
So when you’re thinking about your goals – what they are and the daily actions you have to take to achieve them – ask yourself the following:
- “How can I approach them in a way that combines ferocity, tenderness, & playfulness?”
- “What if I accessed my inner Warrior, Lover, & Joker?”
- “What if I had the ability to be powerful & strong when I needed it, but also caring, compassion, fun & playful?”
- “And how might that transform my goals, and how I go after them?”
I think this blend makes all the difference.
So go forth and embrace your inner Warrior, Lover, and Joker.
All the best.